On the passage of time

It's funny how quickly time moves on and things change. Obviously, it has always (and will always) move on at a rate of one second per second, but I think I mean how the passage of time in the longer term seems to accelerate and decelerate.

I've been getting involved (professionally) with social media a lot and revisited my dear, sweet little blog. Noticed I haven't written anything here since September last year. Ten months.

Doesn't seem quite possible somehow but there we are. I often hear people older than I am say that the years seem to go by much more quickly the older you get. So far, this seems to be the case for me too. I also note that when you are younger, you are far more inclined to question such received wisdom. I can't help but feel that that's still a good thing and perhaps I need to question things more often.

I think it is very easy to forget your dreams and ambitions as you get older. I've felt my life fall into a simple rhythm of sleep, work, home, sleep, work, home. Don't get me wrong - I have a good job which pays quite well (for my needs), live in a lovely flat and don't really have any difficulties in my life.

Maybe that in itself is a problem. I'm beginning to feel that this cosy, settled existence - almost anaesthetic in its nature - makes it so easy to be distracted from what it is I really want from my life. I can see how this can happen so often. We get settled (for now), decide that we'll do what we are doing for a bit because it's simple and we don't have any drama in our lives.

Perhaps our lives need drama. Perhaps settling for what life has given without a struggle is a sign of weakness. I never wanted to be a web monkey. I wanted (and still do want) to be a writer but the more I've settled into this comfortable, repetetive existence the more my motivation has diminished. Telling myself that the occasional poem, the odd concept outline, the painting every now and then is enough to keep my creativity alive is really self-sedating. Silencing my dreams by suppressing them, but telling myself it isn't so bad.

I wonder if anyone else ever feels like this.